Skip to main content
Breaking News!

Osama Bin Laden has apparently released a new video in which he claims the recent earthquake and resulting tsunami were a direct result of actions committed by Al Quaeda. In a ten minute video recording, a man who resembled Osama Bin Laden and whose voice print has been given a 77 percent verification by the Federal Bureau of Analytical Voice Printing as to belonging to a felon previously identified as Osama Bin Laden, spoke of an inevitable 'turning of the tide'. King Canute anyone? Or was that tide of turn or was that Best Laid Plans?

Anyhoo, more breaking news. Pope Louis XXIXXLCVXII or, fuck it, Louis the Octogenarian has made his point clear to the Western Press that a lack of prayer and contraception has played a major role in the recent human tragedy in the Indian Ocean. "Only mmmmphrrgum and a lot of hurummph might possibly save your soul." the Pope was heard to have murmured. Official sources have presently locked themselves in their hotel rooms demanding prayer mats, multi-faith books of worship and tequila.

You heard it here first.

Comments

Carly said…
haha.. nice.

Popular posts from this blog

The passage of each day is bringing me closer to forming a terrorist group of my own. When I was but a wee young stripling of a lad I remember continually arguing with my parents after one occasion when I made the fatal mistake of being honest with them. I had just smoked my first few spliffs down the bottom of the garden and foolishly, and perhaps because I was freshly stoned, I presumed that Mum and Dad would understand my curiosity and would leave me to it. I mean, the authors I was so enamoured with at that time were all prescribing healthy doses of all sorts of pharmaceuticals; Huxley liked his mescaline, Kesey his LSD-25 and Burroughs his smack, to name but a few; and I thought that the rents would take my mild investigations into these matters with a nurturing pat on the back. This was not the case. Hence followed two years of them shouting at me that I needed counselling and me replying in shrieks that it was them who needed help to deal with the reality that,"everyb...
Supavision coast to coast Bruce speaking how can I help? Yesh, hello. Hi there. Yesh. I am looking for some movies. Right. Good thing you called a video shop then. What movies? Yesh. I am looking for foreign movies. Ah, right, well we don’t have many of those. There isn’t the demand to justify buying that many. Yesh. Yes. Perhaps if you tell me a title you have in mind I can tell you if I have it or not? Yesh. Yep. Fire away then, when you’re ready. Yesh. Do you have some under the counter for me? O right. I see. When you say foreign films what you really mean is porn, right? Yesh. Right. Okay, well, it’s the same situation as with the foreign films. We don’t have many pornographic.. Yesh. …films either as most people get theirs from the internet. Yesh? Yeah, coz then you can get films which aren’t censored by the BBFC, you know. Yesh. So…. Yesh. So, in conclusion, I don’t really have any porn. Yesh. Will you make som...
*OoooFggghHh* A large proportion of the air inside me is knocked out as my belly hits the dirt and I slide the three yards along until the top of my head strikes the gnarly tree stump that I had been aiming for. “Fucking Ow!” I utter as I come to an abrupt and uncoordinated stop, quietly though so not to give my position away to those yellow bastards who are waiting for us somewhere over the ridge up ahead. I had been in-country for only about thirty-three minutes and already I had come under fire from the enemy. Even now, as I crouched for cover behind the stump, I could hear the high-pitched screams of the projectiles flying over head, snapping tree branches and showering me with leaves, making the dust pitch-up and dance momentarily as the shot buried itself into it. As I waited for support to come up on my six my mind wandered back in time to the briefing the Commander had given my unit just before we were deployed. “Listen chaps. This is a dirty conflict. Hell, they’re all dirty c...