12 Oct 2004
Yesh. I am looking for some movies.
Right. Good thing you called a video shop then. What movies?
Yesh. I am looking for foreign movies.
Ah, right, well we don’t have many of those. There isn’t the demand to justify buying that many.
Yes. Perhaps if you tell me a title you have in mind I can tell you if I have it or not?
Yep. Fire away then, when you’re ready.
Yesh. Do you have some under the counter for me?
O right. I see. When you say foreign films what you really mean is porn, right?
Right. Okay, well, it’s the same situation as with the foreign films. We don’t have many pornographic..
…films either as most people get theirs from the internet.
Yeah, coz then you can get films which aren’t censored by the BBFC, you know.
So, in conclusion, I don’t really have any porn.
Yesh. Will you make some for me then?
Ha! It wouldn’t be cheap!
Yesh. How much for your porn?
Nonononono. I don’t make porn for public exposure. Strictly private. Anyway, I’d charge an arm and a leg. You wouldn’t be able to afford it.
Yesh. How much for your porn with your sister?
Yeah, look mate, perhaps you should look on the internet for that sort of thing.
Yesh. How much for your porn with your sister and your dog?
Right, sir, I am going to hang up on you.
I have never hung up on anyone in my life but you are a total fucking retard and I can’t be arsed.
Goodbye and good luck.
Yesh. So Bruce, see you in the pub at ten?
…….Will? Is that you?
Yesh. I mean, yes.
You fucking twat!…..That was brilliant. I’ll get the first round in.
(You’d be surprised how often I have these types of phone conversations.)
You could always leave a name. I admit it's a revolutionary idea but try it, you might like it.
Who is this and what do you want? I think I know who this is and if it is indeed who I think it is then I really wish you would leave and never hence return.
Incidentally, I didn't smah my butter dish as I like it very much. I was trying to get a reaction.
('Great deal of pleasure' = 'fun'!)
You're having fun apparently...hmmmm.