Apathy UK

I was pulled over by the police last night at about eleven o’clock. I had shut up the video shop at 9pm, met my uncle who was dropping off my car and then drove 15 metres down to the Carriers pub in it as it was raining and I am an apathetic git. In the warm and bustle of the pub I met Jack and some other friends. Jack, being of the nature of a Lincolnshire farmer, had donned his Wellington boots and tramped the five miles from Widemouth Bay to Bude, having decided that in such atrocious weather the only option was to get in it. However, some sliver of sense still remained as he had asked me to pick him up on my way home. Once sat at a table in the pub and having demanded a pint from Jack, the thrifty one, I decided that enough was enough and that the mild binges of the recent days left me no option other than to finish this pint and then head home for an early and sober night. My lager slipped down my gullet with practised ease and I sat tapping my fingers against the empty glass in w...

This entry is for someone in particular. You know who you are. Yes, you, the one in the scarf, with the dark eyes and long hair and soft lips. I just wanted to say that I am not convinced that you should read on but the choice is yours and, if there are any consequences, I shall attempt to deal with them in my normal fast-talking manner. So be warned. And thank you for a truly lovely weekend, made special purely by your company.

I am spending time up country, near London, doing a week's trial at a new job. The job is not trialing me, I am trailing it as for me to move from my idyllic patch in Cornwall, and for me to leave my apathetic yet functional coastal existence behind, the advantageous features of the new lifestyle are going to have to be pretty damn advantageous. I am working in Farnborough, a featureless suburb of London and a place that bleeds urban distemper into my soul. Melodramatic, moi? The job title is Headhunter and the role is to penetrate deep into large software companies around the world and steal their best executives and moneymen for positions at their competitors. All of which basically entails a high level of confident bullshitting down the phone line. I've done this before and despite my initial fears that I had lost the taste for 'lying for profit' it turns out that I am still as adept at it as I ever was. There is a mild buzz obtained when fooling some company Guard D...