15 Jan 2007

I was sitting here last night feeling rather sorry for myself. On Saturday I had played in a vital league hockey game against Tavistock who were then third, behind us purely on goal difference, and had scored an absolute scorcher of a goal to give us a 3-1 lead. However, Tavy pulled it back to 3 apiece and we were going to settle for the draw and single point. That was until I gave the softest and most inaccurate pass of my career – straight to the opposition who promptly scored to win. I was utterly gutted. After the game I sat on the side and put my head between my legs and, I hate to say it, a tear eked its way out. I felt distraught and solely responsible for potentially jeopardising our promotional prospects. Anyway, I got over it (and myself) in about five minutes and after having the piss ripped from me in the Carriers later on I felt much better. However, the shame and ignominy and sense of personal failure lingered in the background. Hence Sunday night I was revelling in the feeling of ‘All that is Good in the World is coming to an End.’ You know, fairly standard Sunday emotions. Then a text came in; it was from someone I thought I’d probably never hear from again but her name was still on my phone because I enjoy entertaining entirely unrealistic notions of hope. On my phone and in my head she is known simply as Ms. Delectable. She is the perfect feminine package, body and brains. In both respects she has everything where it should be and then some. She’s one of those girls who draw attention like a super-powered eye-magnet. The first time that I saw her was in a club two summers ago. She was just standing there gently bopping to the funky tunes and looking edible. Now, I may have been slightly off it but she straightened out all of my synaptic junctions and re-aligned them pointing directly at her. I had no choice, my actions were not mine but rather they stemmed from a primal, subconscious need to mate with her and so I walked straight up to her and put my mouth next to her ear:

“You look so good I wanta take you home and tear off all your clothes!”

I came to my senses and saw that this honey was smiling at me. No slap, no knee to the groin, no battering by a boyfriend called over to “Sort out this pervert!” She told me straight away that she had a boyfriend and although he was at home up-country she intended to be faithful to him. I said Cool, but took it as a challenge and, anyway, I couldn’t help myself. We spent the whole night talking and generally turning each other on in ‘non-adulterous’ ways. She turned out to be the sister of a good friend who proceeded to warn Ms. D. all about me but this didn’t have the desired affect so, anyway, we had a wicked night and have been in contact ever since, on and off, until last summer. She came down again and her sister told me that she had hooked up with one of the most eligible bachelors in Surrey and was seriously enamoured. We talked but I limited my patter to strictly above the belt, as it were. I’m all kinds of respectful. So, her text perked me up and hence followed the closest thing to Text Sex that I have experienced.

Hello, its Natalie. Is this still ur number? X

Yo Nat! Yep, still my number. How you doing? It’s good to hear from your delectable self. Still in Brackers? Woof. x

Why hello there! Happy belated new year 2 u. Yep, still in Bracknell, wouldn’t be anywhere else! Any more plans 2 come up here then? X

I was going to ask you when you’re moving down here. Had a great N.Yr, hope you did too. Might be upto Londinium soon to see peeps – you owe me a guided tour of Brackers! You still with same job? Any plans to travel? x

I was thinking of things I wanted 2 do before I was 25 & u popped into my head! Sorry! I’m feeling frisky! Um, no, new job – I’m studying 2 be a personal trainer now, writing idea subsidised! Travelling – not yet. Yes, do pop down & I will indeed give you a guided tour! X

Woofla! Jesus, ur last text is never getting deleted!! Thou art truly sexy! God, I’m all hot now! Coincidence perhaps but on Friday I came across that incredibly hot pic you sent me and did nothing for about five minutes but stare at it and use my imagination. And a personal trainer! I’m melting here Nat. x

Oh really! And just what did you imagine?! I have other pictures I may just send u, like the one u sent me of ur tattoo! There’s this place in Brac which does Burlesque photography, I’m really into all that, & I’m gonna get my photo taken! Dita von Teese is my idol! U like? X

It’ll be easier if I just show you! I can’t think about you in that way without getting v.excitable, since the first time I saw you it’s been the same. Pix? PIX! Yes, you should definitely send some. Trust me, they will be appreciated! And Dita does indeed bang my gong but I’d much rather bang thou! X
Dark, sultry, sensuous lips, perfect shape, eyes that raise bpm’s. You two have a lot in common! X

Seeing as u can’t show me at this particular minute, how about some words instead, be as descriptive as u like! U have no idea what ur words do 2 me – my mind can’t help but wonder where else ur talents lie…? X oh & thanks 4 the likening with Dita, u have made my day! X

R u near ze internet right now?

No I’m in bed – why? X

Forget it, I prefer it where you are. Damn, I’m sitting here trying to text but my hand keeps straying! It’s like a rod of iron right now coz I’m thinking of what you might be wearing and how I’m going to peel it off and then press myself against your flesh and wrap my arms around you and then my hands are going exploring all over you to see which bits make you breathe deeply…and then I’m gonna kiss the hell out of you and grab your hair and pull you against me even harder…and then we’ll just have to see…goddamn Nat!! I can’t even bend it a little bit! WOOF! X

I like! U make me feel hot in particular places! Right now I’m wearing sexy silk, & I can’t stop thinking about u taking it off & touching me. Between u & I, I have always had a thing 4 u, & I’ve always fantasised about u fucking me, as I know u would make me feel amazing. So there! Come down 2 see me and u never know what may lie in store 4 u! u will learn that I am an incredibly sexual & passionate woman who absolutely LOVES Sex! X
Oh, and I forgot 2 mention how good I am at doing certain things as well….! X

I never doubted any aspect of your hotness for a second. Just seeing your name sends my mind off on a hot, dirty, sweaty, clothes-tearing episode. I want to be next to you right now making your back arch. I want to taste you. I bet you taste good! I’m taking you to bed with me tonight and we’re getting funky! I wanta practice just in case I get to get my hands on you! Nat, you turn me on something chronic and I’ve always intended to make you cum. And I will! Lots! X’s all over ya!

Oh god, I feel horny! U make me want 2 touch myself & imagine ur fingers inside me & ur hands all over me. It’s a date then….I think u would blow my mind, & I don’t doubt I could make u feel pretty good in return. We shall see. I’m game if u r ;) x

Have I not been adequately clear Nat? I am so game for some seriously heaving union with you, you who have the legs and inner thighs that I wanta crawl up with my tongue and small nibbles and soft fingers and hard grip to make sure you’re as ready as can be for when I introduce myself to you properly and deeply, that I should be crowned world champion! I’m gonna make you drenched given half a chance…and then I want you to do me. And that’s just for starters girl! I’ve thought about it long enough. I want you! X
Had to come and look at all the pix you sent me. You…Are…Hotness…Herself. I want you in all sorts of naughty ways! X

Then u have got me, in whatever way u please…! God, ur words make me melt inside & make me moist in places I want ur fingers & tongue 2 explore! I can’t wait, by then I shall be clawing the walls with anticipation of what it will be like 2 finally live out my fantasy! Bring it on! I’m ready when u r x
Tell me more please! X

Nat, I can’t wait to get my hands on you and to feel yours on me. I’m coming to hunt you down and make your toes curl. I want to be able to taste and smell you on my face and fingers. I’m going to indulge myself in you, go to town, pleasure you until your whole body goes limp. You deserve it. I’m going to bed now and I’m thinking about you in yours and your sweet arse and those tits that make me wanta grab you from behind, spread your legs and, quite frankly, fuck you silly. Thank you for being you. I’m going to wank myself silly thinking about you doing the same. Maximum Woof! X, all over.

Wow, what a text…Well enjoy in every way & I shall do the same! I will await ur arrival in fair Bracknell – speak before then tho. If ur feeling horny, please let me know! Sweet dreams XX

I dig you the most. Dorme bien beautiful. XX

Whatcha gonna do then, mate? Go up there??
Or she comes down here. Either way I will be getting may hands on her.
Good. Keep us posted, man
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