8 Jul 2005

Just got caught licking my lips in a very lascivious manner by Freya and Lee-Ann from the sandwich shop. I was idly staring off into the space outside the front of my store when they passed, started to wave, saw the look of festering salivation and hurried on. Obviously the situation has not improved since yesterday. Just been talking to one of my cousins and she is revelling in the fact I am a horny and desperate man at large with a weapon in my palms dying to be aimed and shot at some suitable target (although she prefers the term ‘victim’.) She tells me this makes up for all the times I was getting busy and she couldn’t get hers no matter how sluttish she dressed and behaved. I never told her but I’d have quite happily done her. Yeah, well, we’re like cousins once removed or something. I’ve done a cousin before and it was wonderful. Cigar-butt nipples and a veritable flowing font of cream. Anyway, I digress into the realm of incestous perversion. Enough already.

Got a text from an ex-girlfriend last night who lives in London. After I broke it off I insisted that we have no contact at all as she seemed convinced that when I said, “Look woman, I do not love you.” what I was really saying was ,”Look babe, I’m a man and as such I have no clue as to my real feelings whatsoever and when I say that I do not love you what I actually mean is that I do love you but I just haven’t fully realised it yet and that coupled with the fact that I can sense impending commitment basically scares the Living Heck out of me and makes me want to head for the hills so if you could just bare with me and continue to insist that I don’t know what I’m doing or thinking then I know I’ll come round and we can get married and stuff.” Anyway, I know when I am in Love and when I am not and so that was that. She texted me last night for one of two reasons. The first is that as I had not called to check to see if she was still alive and had not been decapitated by a flying seat on and exploding underground train, she was letting me know that she was still alive enough to punch the keys on her phone. The second is that SHE IS STILL READING THIS BLOG!

Also, tell her she hasn't written the email to make this bird i'm after jealous. Incredible Hulk style green with envy!
I like this place... it's funny.
Dr. Jones! What a mildly pleasant surprise. You tell her. And don't forget the videos or you're dead.

Long time no comment. I thought you disappeared or something. Well, I'm glad you're still alive. What's new?
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